My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
