just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Randomize
