i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
