Swine flu. Run for my life!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
