you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
