If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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