i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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