I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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