You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
