i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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