And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't deserve a penis
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
how does that bad decision feel?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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