just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It was confusing and full of hummus
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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