dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
