I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
