I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
