it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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