We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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