Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
