Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
