I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
