you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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