I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
