I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
