Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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