I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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