we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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