I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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