Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
