I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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