This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
