i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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