Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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