I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
