You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
