the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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