just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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