My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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