Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
