I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
