Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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