I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just cut my nipple shaving
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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