I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize