There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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