I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
