I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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