Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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