My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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