I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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