Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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