wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
