Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
