I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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