how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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