I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
