She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
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