I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
