I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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