i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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