nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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