how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
