you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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