When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
