Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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