I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
