dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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