I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
