nut hugger
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
