mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
