this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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