Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
