He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
