Pappa wants mamma naked
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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