dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
