I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
