I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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