Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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