So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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