I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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