a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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