i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Drunk is not a location!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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